and that is why...
Showing posts with label Humor n Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor n Jokes. Show all posts
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
why the government allocate 95 millions for police stations maintenance...
I strongly agree with the announcement made by government to allocate about 95 millions to do some maintenance on the police stations / booth buildings...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Secretary's Resume...hehehe
Deer Sir,
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.
I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.
Employer's reply:......
Dear Peggy,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check..... Welcome onboard!!!
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.
I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.
Employer's reply:......
Dear Peggy,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check..... Welcome onboard!!!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Where does cabin crew sleep?
If you ever wonder where does the flight cabin crew sleep during long flights, here are some shots of their "palace"
BOEING 747-400
KLM
AIRBUS A340
BOEING 777
SINGAPORE AIRLINE - WITH IN FLIGHT TV AND TELECOMMUNICATION
AIR CANADA
AIR ASIA
Friday, March 6, 2009
Do you want to know why you are working so hard?
Want to know why u r working so hard?
On the very first day of the world, God created the cow.
He said to the cow:
'Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you!
Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day long.
You will provide the energy to pull things!
You will also provide milk for people to drink!
You are to work all day under the sun! In return, you will only eat grass.
For that, you will have a life span of 50 years.'
Ah Gu objected.
'What.. I work all day in the sun and I get only to eat grass!
On top of that, I have to give my milk away!
This is tough and you want me to live 50 years!
I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!'
God agreed.
On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog.
'Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose.
You are to sit all day by the door of your master's house!
Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them!
In return, you will eat your master's leftovers.
I'll give you a life span of 20 years.'
Ah Kow objected.
' What!
I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people, and
what do I get...LEFTOVERS...
This isn't right, I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining 10 years
back!'
God agreed again.
On the third day, God created the monkey.
He said to the monkey.
'Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces!
You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to amaze them.
In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I'll give you 20 years to live.'
Naturally the monkey objected.
'This is ridiculous,
I gotta make faces and make people laugh let not even come to the part
about the trees and somersaults.
Tell you what, I'll give 10 years of my life to thank you for my existence
and I'll take 10.
What do you think?'
God agreed again.
On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man.
'You are my best piece of work, for that, you will only need to sleep,
eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again and do nothing else.You will get to eat
all the best things and play with the best toys.
All you need to do is enjoy all your life. For this kinda of life, I'll
give you 20 years.'
Just like the rest, the man objected.
'What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and I have only 20 years
to live?
Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10 years from Ah Kow and
another 10 from Lao Kao and you probably don't know what to do with all
those lifes. Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?'
God being such good natured, agreed with a smile.....
AND THAT IS WHY.....
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of our lives when we
are growing up.
Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.
Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10 when we are
retired.
And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our
grandchildren for the final 10 years.
GET IT
??
On the very first day of the world, God created the cow.
He said to the cow:
'Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you!
Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day long.
You will provide the energy to pull things!
You will also provide milk for people to drink!
You are to work all day under the sun! In return, you will only eat grass.
For that, you will have a life span of 50 years.'
Ah Gu objected.
'What.. I work all day in the sun and I get only to eat grass!
On top of that, I have to give my milk away!
This is tough and you want me to live 50 years!
I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!'
God agreed.
On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog.
'Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose.
You are to sit all day by the door of your master's house!
Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them!
In return, you will eat your master's leftovers.
I'll give you a life span of 20 years.'
Ah Kow objected.
' What!
I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people, and
what do I get...LEFTOVERS...
This isn't right, I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining 10 years
back!'
God agreed again.
On the third day, God created the monkey.
He said to the monkey.
'Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces!
You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to amaze them.
In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I'll give you 20 years to live.'
Naturally the monkey objected.
'This is ridiculous,
I gotta make faces and make people laugh let not even come to the part
about the trees and somersaults.
Tell you what, I'll give 10 years of my life to thank you for my existence
and I'll take 10.
What do you think?'
God agreed again.
On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man.
'You are my best piece of work, for that, you will only need to sleep,
eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again and do nothing else.You will get to eat
all the best things and play with the best toys.
All you need to do is enjoy all your life. For this kinda of life, I'll
give you 20 years.'
Just like the rest, the man objected.
'What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and I have only 20 years
to live?
Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10 years from Ah Kow and
another 10 from Lao Kao and you probably don't know what to do with all
those lifes. Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?'
God being such good natured, agreed with a smile.....
AND THAT IS WHY.....
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of our lives when we
are growing up.
Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.
Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10 when we are
retired.
And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our
grandchildren for the final 10 years.
GET IT
??
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Real joke, construct sentences using number...
This is hilarious... even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10 , he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with...
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 -eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1 .
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10 , he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with...
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 -eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1 .
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
3 words
Girl: Do you really love me?
Boy: Of course I do.
Girl: I wanna hear you say it.
Boy: I don,t have to.
Girl: Why not?
Boy: Because...
Girl: I just want to hear you say it in words.
Boy: I can,t...
The girl started to cry softly and said:
Then you don't love me...
The two continued to walk in silence. They
reached the girls home.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Do you really want to know?
Girl: (hesitantly) Yes.
He hugged her gently, kissed the tip of her nose
and whispered in her ear,
"Because three words are not enough..."
Boy: Of course I do.
Girl: I wanna hear you say it.
Boy: I don,t have to.
Girl: Why not?
Boy: Because...
Girl: I just want to hear you say it in words.
Boy: I can,t...
The girl started to cry softly and said:
Then you don't love me...
The two continued to walk in silence. They
reached the girls home.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Do you really want to know?
Girl: (hesitantly) Yes.
He hugged her gently, kissed the tip of her nose
and whispered in her ear,
"Because three words are not enough..."
Monday, February 9, 2009
What computer acronyms really stand for...
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
WWW - World Wide Wait
DOS - Defunct Operating System
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
WWW - World Wide Wait
DOS - Defunct Operating System
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
How women rate men?
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with
Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
Colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, 'Do I look fat?' (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, 'Where?' (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
Like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with
Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
Colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, 'Do I look fat?' (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, 'Where?' (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
Like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???
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